I recently read a book called Lift by Kelly Corrigan. It inspired me to write letters or little notes for you to read when you get older. I want to remember everything (good or bad) but lately my "momnesia" (yes I made this word up.) takes over and I forget the cute, funny things you say or silly things you do. So here's my attempt at freezing moments in time for us to enjoy (again) together in the future.
Tonight as we drove to your swim lesson a familiar song came on the radio. Jason Mraz's, I'm Yours. It's your all-time favorite song. You excitingly told me to, "Turn it up! It's my song, Mom!" and then you proceeded to sing along. My heart melted a little because I love to hear you sing. You have a very good voice for being only four years old and I am not just saying that because I am your mama. You have a wonderful love for the arts, especially anything that involves music. I promise to help you nourish this talent as you grow. I also promise to support you with anything you want to do in life. Reach for the stars!
When we arrived at the school you announced that you didn't need help getting out of your car seat. While I love that it's one less thing for me to have to do, I am also reminded that you are growing up quickly. You seek more independence every day and I have to learn to start to let go. Forgive me, this part of motherhood is hard for me.
As we skipped into the lobby, you told me over and over again how excited you were to see your swim instructors. I couldn't help but beam with happiness because your smile is contagious.
During your lesson, I sat in the hallway reading my favorite magazine enjoying the silence. At one point, I don't know what made me decide to get up and peek through the double door windows. I can only say it must be that "motherly intuition" I hear so much about. As I looked through the window, I saw you and the other children in your group start to walk towards the diving board. You held a swim noodle around your waist and walked with such confidence.
I couldn't believe my eyes as you patiently waited for your turn to step up on the ladder. When it was your turn, I could feel my heart start to beat faster as you climbed the steps. I saw how nervous you were and I so wanted to run in and "save" you! Your legs shook in fear as you slowly walked the diving board and stood at the end. I could hear your instructors telling you to jump! Part of me cheered along with them but the other part of me wanted to tell you that it's ok if you don't want to jump. I bit my lip and waited to see what you would do.
I was so proud of you, Ryan! You not only proved to me and your instructors that you could do it but most importantly you proved it to yourself. Another life lesson learned...you can do anything you put your mind to. Tears filled my eyes as I watched the instructor help you to the side of the pool. You had the biggest smile on your face. I can't tell you how happy I was that I didn't miss this exciting moment in your life.
At the end of your lesson I told you that I saw you jump off the diving board. I couldn't help but tell you over and over again how proud I was of you! You just smiled and told me that it was "cool". You had such a relaxed attitude about it but I could see the excitement in your eyes. I asked if you wanted to celebrate with a cookie at Panera before we went home to see Daddy and Kara. You screamed with delight and asked if we could get a smoothie too! Yet another proud moment for me because you would rather enjoy a healthy snack over a cookie any day.
I want you to know that I love the time we spend together. Just you and me. I look forward to watching you experience more "firsts" in life. I will be on the sidelines cheering you on...with tears in my eyes (sorry, I cry a lot).
Next week Daddy and Kara will be there with me to cheer you on during your last class. I hope they get to see you jump off the diving board too. Great job tonight, buddy!